September 26

I am really bored with the template for this blog. I haven't downloaded a new one yet, so to inspire myself to get that done, I chose the ugliest one I could find in the meantime as motivation.
Spray and Wash has become my new best friend. Yesterday I found a stain on Sky's collar from a berry smoothie that North and I made and drank for snack. Did Sky sneak a drink also? I don't know, but he needed some Spray and Wash on his shirt.

I have had mastitis the last few days. I went to bed feeling very cold on Thursday, yet thought nothing of it because of the coming season change. But by the morning when I woke up feeling like I had the flu in addition to having a flaming red breast, there was no denying the answer. So I called my midwife for some suggestions as to tincture treatments, spent the next few days at home, and had Reed bring home dinners. Now things are beginning to feel normal again.

Sky is such an efficient nurser, I would hate to blame him for causing the problem. And yet, I don't think he did. I never had a blocked duct or any lumps, which leads me to feel as if the problem was more internal.

I had been carrying a lot of negative energy in the past few weeks, sometimes rising above it, sometimes not. At times, I felt like a pressure cooker: a vent released some steam, but the flame was still burning too hot. I tried to run faster, thinking that maybe this project or that idea would solve the problem, or maybe I needed to finally lock us into a schedule.

Having the mastitis and being forced to slow down made me re-focus on what was important... being the parent I know I can be.

Right now I am a parent of two very needy children. Some days I wonder if their needs will carry me on and on into eternity while I grow older and fade away. But half a second later, I catch Sky giving North a huge smile as he snuggles close to me and North answers that smile with a hug directed at Sky. The sun shines a bit brighter when moments like that happen.

So the two conflicting feelings continue to battle. I love their ages, I wish they were older. I love the way Sky nestles close to me, I wish he would nap in his crib a few times a day. I love reading books to North, I wish he would read them to me for a change.

And then I remind myself that one day, my two children will go off to do their weird, unknown boy-things, and they might barely remember to tell me good-bye. And why am I complaining right now? At least I can still play games and sing songs with both of them whenever I want. I don't want to neglect this special time. But the neediness...!

And now off onto a related, yet totally forgivable example. Sky, in his 10 week brilliance, has figured out that if he stays awake when we all lay down around 1:00pm each day, will be able to have some undivided Mama-time. I try to put him in the swing for awhile so I can have computer time or finish random tasks, but it is hard when an absolutely, adorable baby is staring out with "love-me, I am right here" eyes. I usually can only leave him for a few minutes before I relent and take him out for some play-time. He loves being tickled on his stomach and sat up face-to-face, but his absolute favorite thing is to be talked to. He looks right into North's or my eyes and just LISTENS. He drinks up each word and gesture as he answers back in the best way he can. I can just see his brain cells firing up in there. It is so amazing.

"for they know not what they do"

another link: Forgive us for we know what we do.
Reality Rounds (anonymous nurse blogger)

Reed and I talked about what we would do if either of my pregnancies ended with a very premature labor. It was an quick discussion with the unsaid words floating over our heads,
"...I hope it never happens."

I found similar thoughts when reading a post by a neonatal intensive care unit nurse who gives insight into the conditions in which the extremely premature babies are subjected to.

Which brings on the question, what is better? To be forced to live or to be given comfort and peace?

I am still trying to capture his blue eyes

I added a few Bummies wraps to our diaper collection. I thought North was cute in cloth before, now I am beyond in love with little rears clothed in cloth diapers.

Local beef with Eddy's butter lettuce. Dressing of choice: steak juice!

One of my favorite moments of the week is unpacking the veggies from our weekly share. This week I picked some lemon balm and parsley from Eddy's farm to add to our vegetable harvest. The lemon balm I used in a tea that accompanied our dinner last night and the parsley I added to our steak salad. Reed and I were discussing whether the cost of the share was worth its value to our family. We decided that the diversity of types of produce grown plus the freshness/organic flavor of food more then covered the dollar cost from us. We will definitely be buying another share next summer.

I couldn't resist painting Sky's feet...

...when North was painting his rocks. Don't be deceived, soon after this shot, North began covering his own body and the concrete flooring with all the paint. He is a kid after all!

Well Baby check-up tomorrow

Tomorrow I take both kids in for a Well Baby check-up. It is nice that I was able to schedule both a two year and a two month visit for the same day. North walks pigeon toed, so I will be asking about that. Sky seems to still be perfect. I hope the doctor doesn't try to convince me otherwise! North will not be getting any shots, Sky will be getting two (if the doctor has the right brand of rotovirus).

I finished writing up Sky's vaccine schedule. His is a bit different from North's mainly because I hadn't done as much research when we started taking North in for his shots. Then once I decided on a course of action, I didn't want to interrupt the series of shots he had already started. So now we are back on track.

This is North's schedule:

North Darwin
DOB: 9-07

2 months- 11 months ( AAP schedule)
Polio
DTaP
HiB
PCV

12 months:
No - MMR, Chicken Pox, Hep A

18 months:
Yes - PCV (#4) and Polio (#3)

2, 3, 4 years:
No - flu

5 years:
Yes - Tetanus booster, Polio (#4)
No - DTap (#5), flu, chicken pox, MMR

Preteen:
Hep B
If no immunity is present for measles, mumps, rubella, chicken pox or Hep A, will consider giving spaced vaccines.

And this is Sky's:

Skyler Lyric
DOB: 7-09

2 months of age: DTaP, rotavirus (Rotateq?)

4 months of age: DTaP, rotavirus

6 months of age: DTaP, rotavirus

Tetanus booster when applicable,
Wait on MMR and Chicken pox vacs.
If no immunity from these diseases present by 10 years of age, then give spaced vaccines
Give Hep B at this time

The tricky part comes in if we take the kids to countries in which certain diseases are more common. In that instance, I would continue to selectively vaccinate based upon where we are going and what material was in a particular vaccine brand. But seeing as how I still haven't really left this great country of USA (37th in global health coverage), I don't feel to worried about it right now. In the meantime I will keep good notes and keep up on the information out there.

a response to a media attack

Jill from Keyboard Revolutionary writes in response to "hospital room spas" and a recent Today show's shoddy reporting of a stillborn, homebirth.

"That's it. (Jill writing about her HBAC) Just the basics, simple and to the point. Virtually the same setup you'd see in just about any homebirth. No whirlpool jets, no wi-fi or iridescent tile. How sumptuous! How hedonistic! By golly, there wasn't even any Enya or candles (although I did have Bjork on my CD, and there were some tealights, but I wound up not using them cuz I was just so gosh-darned busy giving birth)! Why?

BECAUSE WOMEN DON'T NEED THOSE THINGS.

Offering women spa treatments and fancy decor is deceptive and insulting. It encourages women to disassociate themselves from their labors. Don't focus on getting through your contractions, just enjoy this nice hot stone therapy....while we slip a little sumpin'-sumpin' in your IV, since you won't notice or care. It tells women that being an active participant in the birth of their child is not important - what's important is how many channels you can surf through on that HD TV on the wall over there. It perpetuates the age-old role women have been pigeonholed into: sit down, shut up, be passive, and let the big strong men take care of everything. Don't you worry your pretty little head. Here, have a nice watercolor painting to look at.

And above all else, IT MISSES THE POINT."

-Jill

September 12th

I so needed a bath this evening.

It wasn't that I had a hard day. I reconnected with a friend this morning and went for an awesome walk alongside a beach/forest trail. North and Sky slept the entire walk so we got some great talking time. Later on North and I ate a juicy watermelon, then took the dogs to the fish hatchery for an evening picnic.

But at some point during the day, I came to the conclusion that I was seriously deprived of me-time. And I can't be a focused, attentive person when I feel used up inside.

For the last few days I have been short tempered with Reed, irritated about uncompleted household chores and unable to communicate my ideas clearly to others. I went to playgroup on Friday but really didn't feel like talking to anybody. I felt healthy and had been drinking enough water, taking my vitamins, getting as much sleep as one could expect, so I just kept thinking it would all pass while plugging away at each day.

But each day wasn't getting better. I was using up every bit of positive energy on my interactions with the kids. They deserved that energy and I WILL find patience from the very last nether-regions of my pinky toes' cells before I disrespect them. But Reed and the dogs were themselves not so lucky.

So in the interest of preserving my relationship and the love of my pets, I took a long bath tonight while catching up to last month's National Geographic. Tomorrow I will take an uninterrupted nap while Reed takes the kids for a drive.

And then I will feel refueled.

Warning! Carbs for lunch may create drowsiness!

My computer is back!

As I had a few pictures on the camera that needed to be downloaded; I posted a few to recap our past two weeks.

North and Reed are often in the field looking for grasshoppers. One day, they came inside to get sewing thread. The result: a grasshopper on a string. My only contribution was to remind North not to drag the poor bug around. North had fun watching the "hopper on a leash" until a chicken took advantage of the situation and ate the bug. The poor kid screamed when his pet was taken. I think he looks at the birds with different eyes now.

Sky: Two months and 12 pounds!

CSA week 16 harvest: 14 different veggies plus 10 stems of flowers. New this week were cilantro and lemon cucumbers. I ate the cherry tomatoes as if they were candy. The taste was so fresh.

Sky in the sling: "who disturbs my snack?"

He is also big enough for a structured carrier now. This is a Beco butterfly. It fits very well across the shoulders and hips. The carrier has a built in insert that allows for me to trade the carrier with Reed without taking the baby out. Very handy.

I took a few pictures of North and Sky out in the garden.

They look as if they are trading secrets.