Your Fear is not my Fear

A recent comment left by my (Common Law) Mother-in-Law, has reminded me of a portion of our President's Inaugural Address.

"...we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals." -Barack Obama

Our nation is in the process of shrugging off the pieces of a common culture diseased by FOX media, Michael Savage, and other means of controlling by fear. I see in our future,a nation being brought back into self-confidence and forward-thinking policies of action. We now have a leader who encourages free thought and that action lays not always within the government, but in its people.

I hope that our new-found confidence will soon translate into a better birthing experience for American women. Right now I see examples of woman contemplating labor as a battle. Everywhere we go, both men and women gleefully share stories of the pain and the gruesome, yet unavoidable troubles of hospital policy. So what should a women do? Should she turn away from the pregnancy path? Should she abort? Should she plan on taking drugs to numb the experience and make it all go as fast as possible? So many women give up at this point (or even after a traumatic first delivery in a hospital) and pray they can just make it until they can hold their healthy baby in their arms.

But is that any way to live? Closing your eyes and thinking of England? Not for me, thank you very much. I choose both safety and my ideals. I choose to live with a purpose, with joy, and in the moment of the one life in which I am given. I am educated, I am in the process of being educated, and tomorrow I will be educated further. I can make safe choices for myself, my baby, and my family without the input of fear and social mis-guidance. To all that have fear, please keep your ideas to yourself.

I am not a sheep.

Musings

I have sent an inquiry out to a local photographer about her prices for a photo project. I am really interested in having a packet of birth photographs taken during this upcoming birth. I would like to see a photo of my baby's face as she/he emerges out into the water, I would like to see Reed's face, North's face, my mom's face.... all of these moments I was so not interested in during North's birth, because, well I had better things to work through! This time around I would like to look back on what the other people, as well as me, were feeling as we all experienced those special moments of the birth.

But then again, I feel conflicted. I have been reading a bit on Unassisted Birth and why many families choose to birth in that way. When I read other women's accounts of their birth experiences, I can relate to some of the reasons they choose not to allow intrusions into their birthing space. So, I wonder. Am I inviting distractions into this special place of mine? Will my support team also be a liability against the natural reactions of my body? And most importantly to me... what will happen after the baby has been born?

After North was born, I kind of went into a shock. Not a medical type of shock, but a "what do I do now" shock. After I held North on my chest for a short time, the doctor asked me to leave the water pool before delivering the placenta. This led to me giving North to someone else to hold. I don't even remember who reached for him. Reed? My mom? A random nurse? At the time, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to say "Wait a minute, everyone is healthy, give me my time with my baby."

Instead things turned into a quick checklist of accomplishments: Baby weighed, APGARed, cleaned off. Placenta delivered, Mother cleaned off.

Oh yeah, maybe the Mother should have her Baby back.

I can remember most of the labor and birth clearly, yet when I try to recollect the time immediately after, I don't see North very clearly.

I don't feel any resentment towards the past, yet I want to be clearer in my expectations for this upcoming birth. I want to have a peaceful space available in which I can introduce myself to my new baby and let him/her come to know me. I would like all this to happen before the distractions/stimulus of life take over from the bliss of labor hormones. A source for further information may come from Michael Odent. From what I understand, he believes in this right of mothers. I will be reading more from him as soon as possible.

Right now

Right now I am sitting by a sunny window listening to the "We are One" concert in Washington, D.C. North is napping and I have eaten lunch. All is well when you have inspirational music, speeches and sunshine on your toes.



North, Hayley and I had a pancake breakfast at a local grange this morning. Earlier, I dropped Reed off at a bridge at dawn for a solo fishing trip. He was taking the inflatable kayak out for a day's float down the river.


This isn't a picture of Reed, I will have to wait until he gets home for his pictures. We found our kayak when we were at an inland river a few summers ago. We had hiked pretty far up the river away from other people when we saw an orange inflatable boat stuck on the grass. I guess someone had got dumped out upstream. We asked the few people we saw as we headed back to our car, but were not able to find the original owners. I hope they were ok.

Recycle, reuse!

An evening at the beach

Yesterday evening we headed to the beach for a sunset walk.

North enjoyed the tidepools.

We posed for a family portrait.

North's new game was to chase the waves. He loved having us "rescue" him from the incoming surf.

Taking a break

Please don't misunderstand. I love my place in life. Parenting North the way I do is a very rewarding part of my life. Although it is a rather large part of my life right now, I do need a break every now and again to maintain a peaceful mind.
I love, love the community I live in. The diversity, the stimulation, the food! So when I need to get away for an hour or two (by myself!), I usually chose any of the following places:


Los Bagels has weird bagels. Well, they are weird at first. They are small and hard like hockey pucks and surprisingly good. But the choices of topping are endless, nutritious, and so delicious. I love their coffee, very dark and rich. This place serves pastries (which I have so far resisted getting sucked into), salads, and soups. But to date, I only go for the bagels.

The quirky thing about this place is that it is closed on Tuesdays. Which is usually the same day I feel like eating their bagels. So after almost ten years of living here, I have finally learned a little internal monologue.

Me: I feel like a bagel.
My brain: Is it Tuesday?

Don't laugh, it saves a lot of heartache when I pull it to a dark storefront. I love this place.

North does ok when we grocery shop together. But he doesn't like to browse like I do. So when I can, I will leave him and Reed at home and shop on my own timeline. The Coop has organic produce, a great bulk food section, and a large selection of packaged items. I like looking through the "household-y" items and the teas. I think the prices are reasonable, but that's because I buy mostly whole foods. I don't like paying for additives and packaging.

Walking into Caffe Mokka on a rainy day is like stepping into a small Scandinavian shop. ( I am guessing here, but the atmosphere makes me think of Norway). Light wood paneling and floors, a huge fireplace, and cramped tables. The lighting is perfect, not dim, but bright enough to make up for all the wood. Evenings are the best. A funky band (usually made up of old people) plays in the corner, people play board games and sip their hot drinks. This places serves soup but it is out of a box and not very good. I like to order a hot apricot juice with whipped cream.

But the best, the very best, is the selection of reading material. This places has the usual US magazines and newspapers, but also some English versions of foreign newspapers as well. I could sit and read all day.

I haven't been to Japhy's Soup and Noodles alone in a long time. However, I included it because I would go there if the timing was right. (This place has a justified, yet annoying habit of closing for extended vacations and is always closed on the weekends)

I have a special place in my heart for Japhy's because it opened the year before I arrived for college, and so I have been able to see the changes and growth this restaurant has made. The food has stayed simple, yet so satisfying.

-------------

As I re-read the posting, I see the above list has included only food!

I don't feel like I eat all day, I guess I just like to enjoy good food when I need a peaceful moment!

Our culture of birth

An Australian blog posted a comment from a midwife stating that "we as a society have just about lost the ability to talk about labor and birth in a healthy, positive manner".


What does this mean? Will we find ourselves becoming so scared of natural birth that we create babies to be grown in plastic pods that we can break open when we are ready to admit them into our lives? Scary thought.


I read this posting shortly after hearing a NPR clip of a study documenting the risk statistics of babies born before the 39th week from elective, scheduled cesareans. This subject (also covered by the New York Times) outlined the problem as being that most people don't understand how important those last few weeks are to the babies' health. The occurrence of problems when babies being cut out early are: 37 weeks: 15.3%, 38 weeks: 11%, 40 weeks (full term): 7.3% . The point for me wasn't so much about the gestational timing of the surgery, but of the cruel intervention into an otherwise healthy pregnancy.


Why do we control the normal birth process as much as we do? Does it stem from past fears of pain and dying? Why do women have these fears towards labor and birth? I have a fascination with the history of birth, not only with natural births (this "fad" has a bit of historical mileage behind it), but with the way the birth process has changed over the years. There are many books chronicling birth in the United States that make a fascinating read.


Someday I will seek out and write down women's birth stories.
Have you ever asked an elder about their birth experience? Chances are the memories are painful and traumatic. It was routine to make women be shaved, drugged out of their minds, tied to a table (because they were drugged out of their minds), then savagely cut to make room for the baby to emerge. Because the women's bodies were so stressed and couldn't birth properly, their babies were then most likely yanked out using metal forceps and taken away to another room for a few hours.

One story I read told of a women who progressed so rapidly that the hospital policies couldn't keep up with her. She birthed her baby drug-free, then asked to hold her baby. The nurses were shocked at her request.
"She will drop it" one exclaimed.
The nurses were so used to seeing women incapable of rational action so soon after a birth that the idea of a women holding her own newborn was astonishing.
(Baby-Catcher, Peggy Vincent)

Imagine having to ask permission to hold your own child? Can you imagine not even knowing you have a child because your mind is so foggy you can't even focus? These memories must be part of the reason why our culture fears birth. Who would want that same situation for their own daughters? We pass along birth trama like child abuse passes through generations.


We may have medically changed from those dark years, but how have our cultural attitudes changed? The Australian blog referenced above, spoke of a woman who was afraid of her "vagina exploding". I haven't ever met a women who has admitted to that particular fear. But I do know that most women fear the pain of labor. Why do we not teach more women to work within the pain process? Women could have a stronger belief in the changes their bodies naturally make to balance the intensity of labor. Labor isn't all about the pain. It is about expansion and softness.
A give and take between two bodies.

I have also heard of women speak of fears of their baby being "too big". Take, for example, a women in the pushing stage of labor being told that her pelvis was to small for her baby's head. Picture that women laying on her back with her feet stretched out above the height of her back. An existing fear added to an inefficient labor position adds up to a Cesarean very quickly. Now picture the same woman squatting with her legs relaxed into a round, open position. Does gravity even factor into peoples' minds when they think of the standard "birthing position"?

We know that the mind and the body have a close working relationship. If the mind believes, the body will follow. By helping women to be more in touch with the natural capacities of their own bodies, we could be helping the initial attachment process of mother and child and lessen the chances of post-partum depression. We know that establishing a strong attachment minutes after birth is important for both the mental health of the mother and the physical well-being of the newborn. How can a mother be fully present for her baby if she has come into the process with fear, a fear that has been traumatically realized?

I think we need to come to a place where we can talk about birth in a positive manner. Birth is not just something that we must endure so that we may have children. It should be an empowering process, a rite of passage, a new awareness of inner confidence and strength. Women should look forward to labor and birth as an adventure, not as torture.

Showing women a healthy way to birth will allow our birth history to progress to a place in which babies and mothers have a better chance of health and happiness from the moment of emergence.

(...step down from soap box...)

Fish Hatchery 2009

Today we drove out to the river to have a look at the fish. The ladder the hatchery-born fish use to access their spawning grounds was quiet. The rumor among the fisherman was that a seal was eating all the fish holding in the ladder. However, when Reed talked with the people who were fishing on the river, those people reported minimal numbers of steelhead swimming.

Jan 2009 at the fish ladder.

Dec 2007 at the same ladder.

Regardless of what the river fish were doing, we had a good exporation and walk down the river.

North and Reed fed smelt on the hatchery grounds.

Then we walked down the river bank for a little while.

I love wood rat nests! God forbid I actually see a rat scurrying under my feet! I do wonder.. are the rats big or small? Their nests are impressive. I like that their homes are camouflaged, yet striking once one picks the mound out of the broken branches and dead leaf litter. Reed thinks the nests might last for decades. Do you think the rats have living wills?

maybe it goes like this:

One wood rat to another- "After Grandma dies, Aunt Bea gets the nest for her family and then it is your turn. But you will have to do some work on the nest, it is getting on in years."

After we passed the tenth wood rat house and then turned right, we arrived at a large bend in the river. Reed and North threw rocks and sticks for the dogs and I tried not to fret about the possibility of North falling in the water. It was much colder today then last year. As it was, North did get wet and so we headed back to the car and dry jammies.

.....Which North wore when we went out for Italian food.

....Aren't we classy?