A few weeks after Sky's birth, I read a blog post by a woman who prepared for her birth by reading other women's birthing stories. I agree that reading other women's stories can be an effective way to show the reality of labor and birth. In labor there is no script, no perfect pace, no perfect response. Childbirth classes can be really helpful but only go so far. Only by hearing other women share their stories, can others understand the vast scope, yet predictable behaviors that can and will occur. This is my and Sky's story.
Labor started around 8:30 on Tuesday evening, July 14th. I thought I felt a contraction after helping North go to sleep, but I had been having so many cervical cramps during the last few weeks, I wasn't positive until I felt the need to go to the bathroom. By the time it was done, I knew that labor had started or would be starting soon. But I was still convinced that my waters would break before any strong contractions would occur so I was also in denial a little bit. I couldn't tell if the pain was rhythmic, so I called Reed in from outside to help me time the contractions. As he was upstairs with me, I had two very strong contractions that convinced me that it was time to tell my mom (she was downstairs) and time to call the midwives. Forget timing the span between, these were true baby-moving pains.
I breathed through the contractions upstairs on our bed while downstairs Reed and Mom prepared the birthing tub and laid out the blankets and towels. The room became hot and I started to vocalize a bit. To help with the pain, I focused on making a deep low noise from the base of my throat and relaxing my forehead and shoulders. Both of these behaviors really helped me feel more power and focus during North's birth. As this labor began, I could hear people moving downstairs in preparation and I was able to turn inward as the pain intensified.
Clair and Kate arrived. I feeling very ready to get into the birthing tub so right away I asked for a check of dilation. Most people recommend going into the birthing tub waters after reaching a 5cm dilation. I knew my body was ready for the tub; at that time I just needed to hear a number in order to picture where I was in the labor process. As Clair called out "your cervix is 6 cm dilated" I began stripping off my clothes.
The water felt wonderful. As I was stepping into the tub, another contraction hit. But as I sank into the water I could feel my muscles in my legs, then thighs, stomach and on up relax in response to the warmth. Being in water while laboring is amazing. The pain does not go away, it just becomes more manageable and focused; I can mentally see what is happening inside my body better when I am in the water. I think what gives me so much power during labor is being in my "right brain". I let go of lists, strategies, numbers and linear thinking. Once labor really kicks in, I just feel and move. Labor is so intuitive to me. It feels natural and instinctual. I have never had to have any interventions beyond the basic monitoring of my vitals and the baby's heart tones, yet I can see how more invasive procedures can stall or cause a normal labor to crash and burn. I feel grateful that I was in a place (both in community and home) that supported my right brain processing.
The water birth tub that was used was a La Bassine tub. When researching on the internet, I looked for a tub that would allow the water to completely cover my belly and chest, have soft thick sides so I could drape myself over the top with full support, and have enough room to allow Reed in the tub with me. During most of the labor, I squatted in the water with my arms over the side of the tub for support. Halfway through the labor, I threw up while leaning over the edge. I felt so much better after that.
I wanted to birth the baby on my hands and knees or in some kind of a squat position. I think by stating that intention to the midwives, I also subconsciously chose those positions for the labor. It just felt like the most comfortable and effective way to labor this baby out. I could focus my energy and voice down through my body towards the baby. I pictured the baby responding to the pressure from my uterus as he began his spiral out of my body. I tried to focus on the idea that the two of us were working together, but sometimes I also found myself focused on the pain. During most of the labor process, I held Reed's hand through each contraction. His presence was grounding and helpful. However, if he tried to rub my back or otherwise stroke my skin, I would shrug him off. His touch became too stimulating for the moment. On the other hand, if Kate or Clair rubbed my shoulders (to remind me to let go of the tension) or applied pressure on my lower back, I felt an immediate relaxation. Their touch was more comforting; a more feminine guidance through the pain. I don't remember what phrases Kate would say to me during the times when the pain became too strong, but I do remember that after she redirected me I would feel calmer and more in pace with the labor process. Their presence gave me so much strength.
After a while, I began to feel "stuck" in my position in the tub. I was also very tired. During the breaks between contractions, I would fall asleep while leaning up against the side of the pool. This was kind of strange and felt counter-productive. I wanted to sleep; yet waking up to a contraction was not fun! Plus when I would sleep, the rate of contractions felt as if they became slower. I wanted those pains to come at a regular pace, not slow down. So I tried resting on the bed in the living room for a while. I leaned against a tall stack of pillows and rocked my hips back and forth during each contraction.
All to soon, the intensity picked up again and I was no longer able to sleep between contractions. As I moved back towards the tub, I remember telling Kate, "I hope this is transition!" When I was back in the water a feeling of being out of control hit me. Before the last entry into the water, each contraction would start off like a gunshot, then slowly taper into a tingling sensation around my thighs. But now I felt an explosive start and a very strong downward dropping sensation at the finale of each contraction. I remember feeling angry as each pain began. I so wanted the process to be over. I wanted to meet Skyler. I wanted the pain to stop! I wasn't working with my body anymore, I was being carried away by it.
It is funny to read this words as I write them. As I reread, I see the process unfold in a straghtforward manner. Yet at the time, I felt like an animal running on instinct. I had trust in the process, yet I was not on control or aware of what was to happen next. I believe these feelings of instinct, moving back into the water or throwing up freely as the need arose, helped the labor progress in healthy way.
So I was now back in the birth tub, contracting and in pain. And then my waters broke. The sensation was...well I still don't have the words to describe it. I felt a release of pressure. I felt a break in the pain cycle. I was able to turn inward again. Kate and Clair peered into the pool and pronounced everything to be right on track. No miconium, only bits of white vernix from the baby were floating in the water.
A few minutes after the waters breaking, Clair asked if she could check my dilation for the second time during the labor process. My vocalization had gotten higher in pitch, I wasn't able to keep it low any longer. I still felt out of control with the things moving very fast inside of me. I was losing touch with what was happening, and I felt lost. I think she and Kate could tell that things were picking up. She slipped her hand into the water and felt the top of the baby's head right at the edge of my vagina. I was as surprised as anyone else! I hadn't felt a need to push or any sensation of the baby passing into the birth canal. I had noticed that the pains had shifted into a stronger downward intensity, but I still hadn't felt any need to push.
Everyone sprung into action. Reed remembered North's birth in which it took two hours of pushing to get him out, so Reed ran to use the bathroom first. I remember hoping he would make it back in time. Once Clair had announced that the "baby's head is right there!" I had decided that enough was enough, I wanted that baby out no matter who was available to catch him. I began pushing with the next two contractions. Luckily, Reed made it back into the tub and made the catch.
Skyler was born face down with his hand up by his left cheek. Reed passed him to me through my legs and I rolled over so that I was sitting in the water with Sky on my chest. I held Sky as Kate and Clair checked him over and watched over the levels of my blood loss. Reed and I splashed water over Sky to keep him warm, but we were in no hurry to move from our place. It was perfect. No one asked us to leave the tub or moved to take Sky away.
I had originally planned on birthing the placenta out of the water so that as much blood on the organ would be retained as possible (to make a brighter placenta print), but 13 minutes after Sky was born the placenta just popped out. It was important to Reed and I that the umbilical cord not be cut until after the placenta was passed, thereby allowing as much blood as possible to leave the placenta and recirculate into Sky's body. Reed cut Sky's birth cord, thus separating the baby and I after almost 10 months of shared existence.
I carried Sky over to the bed and held him on my chest as the midwives checked for damage. Once again, the water helped the tissues soften and stretch with no tears. I didn't try to nurse Skylar until he told me he was ready. When he started to throw his head sideways while laying on my chest, I knew the time was right. Sky latched on right away with success. The nursing contracted my uterus to the point that the cramps became very painful. Kate kept checking the size and location, at one point my uterus had moved over to my right side!
During the prenatal visits, I told Kate and Clair that I intended to eat a small portion of the placenta. I felt that the hormones and minerals contained within the placenta would help my body find its natural balance as I transitioned back into a non-pregnant state. So after the birth Clair cut off a small hunk from the maternal side of the placenta and gave it to me in a bowl. The taste of the organ was very rich, but not iron-y. The taste was not meaty; it was perfect. I would highly recommend any women to try this experience. The sensation of eating that small piece after the hard work of laboring was very satisfying and really helped in the upcoming weeks.
After resting for a bit, I wanted a shower. Kate helped me in the bathroom while Clair checked Skyler over and recorded his statistics. My blood loss was still strong so Kate decided to stay the night. Sky and I slept on the bed downstairs, Kate slept in the couch, Reed and Mom went to their respective rooms upstairs. We all slept.
Final thoughts:
It hurt worse this time: During North's birth I felt as if I was entering the labor experience with a mental toolbox containing all the information I had learned from classes and labor stories from other women; my toolbox that even contained drugs if things weren't going well. During Sky's pregnancy and birth, I had an amazing experience of being cared for and supported on every level by two very professional midwives, I gave birth in the comfort of my home, and I had Reed and my mom with me. Yet also I felt a strong sense of being let down by my own coping skills. In the following weeks as I reflected, I felt I hadn't handled the pain well. I couldn't look back and say "that was fun!" like I did with the first birth. During Sky's birth I was able to let go into my own inner intuition, but was not as amazed by the experience. I think the reason for this might have been too high of expectations on my part. Going into the laboring process, I forgot to respect the intensity of the pain involved. But at no time did I doubt in my ability to birth this baby. It may have hurt, but that baby was safe and so was I.
Midwifery care: From the moment I became aware of this pregnancy I knew that care would come from midwifes. Each prenatal visit built a foundation in which the labor stood upon. From both Kate and Clair and all the home birth/midwife books I read, I gained a deep knowledge of pregnancy and the mind-body relationship. I learned great amounts of information on the vital importance of healthy nutrition for both me and the baby (why is this not a important component of every pregnancy visit, midwife or OB/GYN? How do people think babies are built, anyway?) During our conversations, Kate and Clair got to know my personality, my moods, the way I was processing how my family was changing. In return, I became trusting and respectful of the knowledge that they possessed. By the time the labor started, I was able to really let go into their care. I didn't need to protect my interests; the two women already knew.
During the labor both women were in the background, yet watching the cues that I was giving. They always had water available for me to drink, yet didn't push movement or food unless I gave them cause. When checking the baby's heart tones, they adjusted the Doppler around whatever position I was in; I never felt like I had to leave that internal place of labor. They guided Reed as he caught the baby. I love that Sky was able to pass from my body into Reed's hands and then onto my chest, not many hospitals will let that happen without some kind of other intervention. As Reed and I marveled at Sky's presence, both midwives unobtrusively checked me and Sky out without intervening. It wasn't until I left the room to take a shower (maybe 30 minutes, and hour later?), that Sky was touched by another person. That feels so right to me.
Birth Impact on Skyler: After Sky emerged, he laid on my chest as we both rested. He lifted his head and looked around as if wondering what kind of world he was being brought into. Because I chose to birth him in my home, he was not exposed to bright light, super-germs, or unfamiliar people and voices. I know not all women have the ability to chose a home birth, but my pregnancy was low-risk and full of confidence. I know there are other women in these same conditions out there in the world who still choose a hospital in which to birth their baby. I wish I could tell them of the difference I see in my two children. Not only was Sky able to emerge into a calm, loving environment but he was also a recipient of the power and freedom I felt during the labor. Because I was able to move with my own inner instincts breastfeeding and the post-partum time went very well. I felt calmer, more at peace with myself even though I now had two young kids in my care.
I believe that Sky's personality was set as he developed inside me. Yet I also believe that he is being emotionally impacted by every experience he encounters from his first moments and on. In this way, his spirit is a dynamic, living development. I know that the peace, the calmness, the NORMALCY of his birth has helped create his peacefulness of personality. From day one, he has showed an amazing ability to calm himself as soon as I bring him close to my body. He settles well in Reed's arms and then looks out into the world with curiosity and interest. Since his birth, Sky has felt little emotional stress and thus hasn't had to close himself off from the world in a protective manner. He is perfect.
Birth Statistics:
Labor started: 8:30 pm
Skyler born: 1:57 am
Pushes: 2
Weight of baby: 7 lbs, 4 oz
Length: 20 inches
Relaxing.
