Today Reed, North and I went to a birthday party hosted by a family of one of the men that works with Reed. It is interesting; this process of going to birthday parties of other people of whom are not family members. Reed and I are a bit early on the baby-making timeline of our own circle of friends, so many of the parties we have attended in the past few years have been more adult/backyard oriented. Since we have added North to our life, the kid party thing has slowly become more regular.
I have to point out that these kid birthday parties are a little over-stimulating to me. They are fun to go to and it is great to see all the kids with their wild, crazy happiness as they all play together like long lost friends. But sheesh, after three hours of hot dogs, cake and pinatas, I am ready to go home and crawl under the covers for the night. North is upstairs sleeping off a first-time party treat, sherbert ice cream punch. Thankfully, after the punch he didn't notice the birthday cake. I draw the line at the combination of the two sugars on his little stomach.
In a way, today is also his birthday. He is now officially 21 months old. The amount of time he and his brother (....what if this baby is a girl? I hope she wouldn't mind being called a boy for the last 4 months) will be separated by age. Unless the pregnancy runs really late. But I will do jumping jacks and hike up mountainous hills before trying induction. Hopefully it won't come to all that.
On the baby preparedness front, the pantry and cupboards have been washed out and restocked. (you know, in case we fall into a nation wide famine while I am adjusting to having another little one around!). I have washed the windows, but the banana slugs have been out in full force thus leaving their trails over all my hard work. My car has been vacuumed and polished to a glittery shine (in case the baby takes a look at the car during his first car ride and decides that his mom has let cracker crumbs build to unsafe levels). The only thing I am missing is a carseat delivery (hopefully on Monday) and my mom (hopefully on Friday).
Why do we work ourselves into unrealistic cleaning expectations when nesting prior to the arrival of a new baby? It is not as if many women are crippled for life after a birth. My mom certainly doesn't care about the state of the cupboards, she just wants to be able to find the right pot when cooking a meal. And she loves going to the Co-op, so she will probably be disappointed to find that I have stocked more then enough rice and lentils/beans then a small nation of hungry people would want.
I guess it has to do with a settling of accounts in a way. For me, it is nice to enter the labor/birth process feeling as though I have prepared in a both a mental/physical manner and have created an environment that will support my and my family's needs during the baby's birth and the transition/ discovery phase of welcoming a newborn. With every household task I do, I can let go of any pressing thought that might be distracting (as minor or irrational as it might be) to the mind set that allows me to fall into the endorphins that bring on an amazing, positive labor.
That being said, I lately find myself remembering that being pregnant is still easier (being more predictable, that is) then adjusting and caring for a newborn with the added bonus of changing hormonal levels. Today my hips feel as though they are being pulled in opposite directions. I have given up the idea of getting a good night's sleep as I cannot find a comfortable position, then when I finally do I have to get up to pee! AUgh, frustration! I have definitely reached the final grumpy, homestretch phase.
I also have been wondering how this labor will start. I had such a great experience with North, that I find myself falling into the assumption that all will be the same as before. Logically, this is not true. But I still wonder, will labor start with the waters breaking and strong contractions beginning soon after? Or will contractions begin and gradually increase in intensity with an intact bag through the very end? I liked having my waters break so soon with North's labor because it allowed me to jump into a mental state of acceptance/ pain management that I think helped the changes of my body progress in a smooth and efficient manner. However, I have heard other women say that the contractions with an intact water bag are gentler, more peaceful in a way. I wonder what that would be like.
The bottom line is that once labor starts, I am not in control anymore. I open myself up to what my body needs/wants as it works to expel this life that has been growing inside me. I have spent almost a year listening to this little person as he has stretched, tumbled, and kicked with his growing body. He reacts to his family's voices and touches. He moves with such happiness when I drink a glass of water or have eaten a meal. And I feel so amazed when I feel North give my belly a big hug as he says, "hug brother".
I think we are almost really to meet the little guy. I just have to find a cute sunhat first.