Today North and I went to a playgroup held at a community center in our town. North started out shy, then he grew more comfortable and recently has begun to play as soon as we walk in the door. He gets the chance to explore (I love that word!) new toys. These toys are often for older children or are toys we don't have in our house (i.e. toys that make noise at a push of a button!)
I like to talk with the other parents and see the other children play and interact. The group totals about 10-15 kids with the age range being pretty diverse. One child is 8 months; I have seen other children who look like they will be starting kindergarten next year. North's easy laugh and happy personality sometimes attract the other kids to his play space. Not much sharing goes on in the group as a whole; that is a big difference between this and preschool, but most of the parents are pretty aware and watch their kids closely.
What I like to watch for is the way the parents interact with their children. During the last few years during my time with families, I have seen a fair share of family dynamics. The following examples are not limited from the above mentioned playgroup.
I have seen parents who exclusively talk to their children in question format ("Do you want to help me clean up?" "Do you want to put on your coat?") There are other parents who hover over their child; leading their play the entire time ("Let's play with this puzzle. Where does this piece go? Where does this piece go?" On and on and on.) I see parents who appear to need a bit of time away from their child ("My child, I guess he is in the bathroom, he will be fine. Oh, he is using the soap to paint on the mirror? Oh well..)
But those are just a few of the parents that I see. The rest of the parents talk authentically to their child giving them a fair choice and providing appropriate guidance that is thoughtful and respectful to the developmental stage their child is at. To a child who is not finding sucess playing with his friend and a toy: ("Josh, you look really frustrated. Let's give Gwen some space and go have a snack") Or to a child who isn't cleaning up before circletime: (Statement-"We are cleaning up now." Guiding choice- "Do you want to help me or do you want to find your own toy to clean up?")
Effective parenting is not something you can learn from a book. I feel thankful that I have a great community in which I can learn from and feel supported by in my choices of how to raise my child.