North has been sleeping in his own room for a few months now. He uses a mattress on a bed spring tucked into a corner. He has a few quilts: one made by my aunt, one made by a class of preschoolers and their families, and one made by me when I was in high school. That is a lot of history he sleeps under! He also has two glow-in-the dark constellations on his ceiling: the Big Dipper pointing to the North star (of course!) and Orion (which is Reed's favorite grouping of stars). A photographic triad of ocean waves hang on the wall above his head. All in all, I think his room is very peaceful and calm.
I laugh as I remember my expectations in those blissful days of a first pregnancy. I had thought I could merrily work in the garden while my newborn child slept the afternoon away. A child slept whenever you needed a little break, right?
I was wrong on all fronts. As a newborn, North restlessly napped in a bassinet for about a day and I think he spent about 3 hours one night in a creatively-hung baby hammock before Reed and I realized that in our bed was really the best place for him to sleep. He was more settled and peaceful when he was surrounded by his family's familiar smells and touches. There were times as the months went by that I wished that North would nap for longer then an hour or that he would go to sleep without the aid of nursing, but on all levels of my instinct I knew that we were providing the best of environments for his physical and emotional development. He was getting his resting time while I could be confident we were treating him with respect during all hours of the night and day.
And so now as a family we are adjusting our rhythms to prepare for a new baby. At 14 months, North was sleeping in our family bed (and nursing a few times through the night) and all was well. At 16 months, my milk had naturally diminished as a result of the pregnancy and any frequent nursing became painful. But to say "No more nurses" during the night while being in a what used to be a nursing environment was becoming confusing to North. We struggled for a few nights before Reed and I realized that it was time to help North begin his transition into his own sleeping space.
North and I began by sleeping together in his new bed, nursing included. Then after a few nights of this as we were lay in his bed, I asked him to stop nursing and called the remaining time before sleep "just sleepy time." If he woke up during the night, I would remind him that it was "just sleepy time." Now at bedtime, we read books together in a big chair and nurse for only a few minutes. Before he gets sleepy, I will ask him to stop nursing and we walk over to his bed and we lay down together. I stay with him until he falls asleep. The whole process is very peaceful and enjoyable for both of us. North will often point out his stars or other things in his room. Sometimes he sings me a song or I will rub his back.
Naps are of a similar rhythm, but I am a bit firmer about the timing. I was finding that even with an afternoon nap, by 4:00 in the afternoon North was becoming unpleasant and dinner was becoming rushed so that we could hurry him off to bed. These days, if he wakes before a full two hours of resting, I will lay with him or help him go back to sleep. Late afternoons and evenings have become much nicer as a result.
Soon we will have a new baby to adjust to. I don't know what emotions or behaviors the baby will bring to us or how we as a family will react. I hope that we can continue our instinctive parenting even as new stressors enters our lives again. I feel that we as a family have the greatest moments when Reed and I are being reflective about our parenting choices rather then reacting to the little battles. Stress tends to make me narrow my vision to those little battles so I will have to remember to stay focused even as our family re-balances into new rhythms.
Tonight I listen over the baby monitor to North and Reed quietly talking as they lay together in North's bed. North enjoys the extra few minutes of Daddy time and Reed enjoys the love and cuddles the conclusion of a toddler's day brings. We are not following a certain prescribed script on how to train your child to sleep; we follow the needs of our family and our child. And as I listen, I wouldn't have it any other way.