Monkey brain

Signed a contract with Woodside yesterday. No going backwards now, the transition has begun.

Sky walks about 50%, speed crawls rest of time. Climbing is high up on the daily activities too. I have caught him up on shelves, the small art/snack table, and on chairs.

Technology continues to baffle me. Why can't all my electronics get along with each other and me? Is it unrealistic to expect that ignoring the pace of technological development until needed is a good strategy?

The sickness has ended. Sky still has a red spot on his finger from a lingering blister. Both kids emerged from the HFM virus with only a fever, crankiness, and a half a dozen blisters. Talking to friends whose kids have had the virus, I realize that we were very lucky. One friend's husband got sores in his mouth right in the middle of the Thanksgiving holiday. Another man called it "the new chicken pox". Whatever is is, I am glad to be through it.

Quiet time still eludes me. I get distracted by projects and adventures. I enjoy time in the forest and on the beach with my kids and dogs, but the time is far from meditative. I could be using the time in the evening but the computer and t.v. suck me in. I think I will try a class.

Camping with girlfriends, hundreds of kids and dogs at the sunny river is in my future! More blueberry picking is needed, more bike riding for North, more gardening and running with friends in the early morning fog. I love being outside in the summer....

Like most humanoids, I am burdened with what the Buddhists call the "monkey mind" - the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl. From the distant past to the unknowable future, my mind swings wildly through time, touching on dozens of ideas a minute, unharnessed and undisciplined. This in itself is not necessarily a problem; the problem is the emotional attachment that goes along with the thinking. Happy thoughts make me happy, but--whoop!--how quickly I swing again into obsessive worry, blowing the mood; and then it's the remembrance of an angry moment and I start to get hot and pissed off all over again; and then my mind decides it might be a good time to start feeling sorry for itself. and loneliness follows promptly. You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.

The other problem with all this swinging through the vines of thought is that you are never where you are. You are always digging in the past or poking at the future, but rarely do you rest in this moment. It's something like the habit of my dear friend Susan, who--whenever she sees a beautiful pace--exclaims in near panic, "it's so beautiful here! I want to come back here someday!" and it takes all of my persuasive powers to try to convince her that she is already here. If you're looking for union with the divine, this kind of forward/backward whirling is a problem. There's a reason they call God a presence--because God is right here, right now. In the present is the only place to find Him, and now is the only time.

--Elizabeth Gilbert "eat pray love"

The Not-San Diego trip

Sometimes no matter how perfect the planning is, life moves in a different direction then one plans for.

On Tuesday, the boys and I were to fly to San Diego for a few days of visiting family. I also wanted to take the kids to the waterfront and see the big ships. It would be my first time traveling with them through airplane layovers and big city traffic. I felt excited and up for the challenge. The trip was meant to be a great start to a lifetime of traveling that I wanted to expose my kids to.

But after perfect packing ( I didn't forget a THING, and I even ironed!), we were blocked by the hazards of airplane travel.

Or should I say, flying out of Arcata and into SFO. Both very foggy airports.

Our flight out was delayed because of foggy conditions in SFO, thus causing my connecting flight to be missed. All afternoon flights into S.D were full. The United check-in person offered to re-book our connecting flight through Carlsbad (Northern San Diego county) by 6:00pm. I decided to take that option even though it meant another connecting flight through LA.

However, when I went over to the car rental counter to change my rental time/pick-up location I was told that dropping the car off at the different location of San Diego Airport (where my departing flight was) wouldn't work.

After calling my cousin, I decided to cancel the whole trip.

Kim could have picked us up in Northern San Diego and driven us to the main airport to pick up the car rental. But the breaking straw for me was the amount of time we would be in traffic. I could have managed the long layovers. But to ask the kids to be in the car for hours afterward: I couldn't do that.

So we went home. I was trying to be really positive and so the remaining part of the day was great. While the kids took a nap I called the airline and negotiated the return of the cancellation fee. The total amount spent on our tickets will now be spent on a trip to Hawaii in February to see our friends get married, so no money will be lost in the long run.

But, bummer! I was really looking forward to this!